Sink Your Teeth Into 300+ Vampire Puns and Jokes

So I was just chillin’ one night, scrolling through the weird part of my brain, and thought—vampires are kinda funny, huh? Like, sure they’re spooky, ancient, and love capes—but honestly, they crack me up. I just kept making up vampire puns and couldn’t stop myself. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy funny vampire puns when you need a silly laugh? Some are kinda odd, some are clever, and some… you’ll find out.

Why I’m Obsessed with Vampire Puns and Jokes

There’s something about vampire puns and jokes that just work. Maybe it’s the drama, or maybe I just love anything with fangs—but they always crack me up.

50 Vampire Puns and Jokes

1. Vampires are the worst roommates—they never clean up their blood spills.
2. I dated a vampire once. He kept ghosting me… but literally.
3. The vampire’s favorite drink? Type O-ppuccino.
4. I tried hugging a vampire. He said, “No thanks, I’m socially undead.”
5. I asked a vampire for directions. He said, “Turn left at the coffin.”
6. My vampire dog only comes out during moonlight snacks.
7. That vampire DJ? He only plays underground hits.
8. I told a vampire a joke. He said, “You slay me.”
9. The vampire chef’s best dish? Stake and garlic.
10. Vampires don’t use mirrors—they’re more into self-reflection.
11. A vampire’s worst enemy? Morning people.
12. The vampire mailman only delivers after dusk.
13. My vampire friend works night shifts. Go figure.
14. I bought a vampire alarm clock—it only rings at midnight.
15. I asked a vampire to smile. He said, “Only if you don’t run.”
16. Vampires don’t tan. They char.
17. I met a vampire who vlogs. His channel? “Bite-Sized Stories.”
18. Don’t challenge a vampire to karaoke. They suck the mic.
19. That vampire Uber driver? Real pain in the neck.
20. I tried garlic-scented cologne. He dumped me immediately.
21. Vampire basketball team? They never go out of bounds.
22. I told a vampire he looked pale. He said, “Thank you.”
23. Vampire influencers? All about that coffin-core.
24. The vampire comedian bombed. Crowd said, “Too bitey.”
25. That vampire loves puns. Must be my blood type.
26. Vampires can’t swim. They hate the “dead sea.”
27. I entered a vampire cooking show. I brought bloody marys.
28. My vampire teacher? Real night owl.
29. I got a letter from a vampire. It was signed in red.
30. The vampire dentist gives out bite-sized advice.
31. Vampires hate concerts—too loud for their bat ears.
32. I spilled tomato juice on a vampire. He said, “Close enough.”
33. The vampire librarian only stocks horror.
34. Vampires don’t text. They bat signal.
35. My vampire cousin’s favorite candy? Neck-o wafers.
36. I once saw a vampire eating celery. I think he’s on a cleanse.
37. Don’t prank a vampire. They always get you back.
38. I asked a vampire what time it was. He said, “Twilight.”
39. That vampire poet? Total fangboy.
40. Vampires love podcasts. Just don’t ask them to guest star.
41. My vampire boss keeps calling meetings at midnight.
42. I gifted a vampire cologne. It was Essence of Garlic.
43. The vampire lost his cape. It was a cloak and dagger situation.
44. That vampire car mechanic? Works graveyard shifts.
45. I caught a vampire reading Twilight. He said it was “historical fiction.”
46. Vampires don’t nap. They coffin-hop.
47. The vampire magician? Always disappearing acts.
48. My vampire barista spells names in blood.
49. The vampire life coach? “Be your bite self.”
50. I told a vampire I was cold. He said, “So am I—dead inside.”

50 Vampire Puns for Kids

1. Why did the vampire stay in school? He wanted to get better at spelling.
2. What’s a vampire’s top school subject? Count-ing, of course.
3. I spotted a vampire on the jungle gym—swinging from the monkey bats.
4. What toy does a vampire like most? A bite-cycle.
5. My vampire buddy loves hide and seek. He always hides in his coffin.
6. What do you call a vampire in sleepwear? A snack on the loose.
7. Why did the vampire get glasses? He couldn’t see who was next.
8. What fruit do vampires love most? Blood oranges.
9. That vampire packed ketchup for lunch again.
10. Why don’t vampires play tag? They hate being “it.”
11. What do baby vampires sip? Bloody milk bottles.
12. I asked a vampire what he wanted for his birthday. He said, “Just a cape and a straw.”
13. Why was the vampire punished? He bit the juice box.
14. What do you call a vampire who watches cartoons? A toon sucker.
15. Why was the vampire tired in class? He stayed up fang-ing out.
16. What candy do vampires skip? Anything with no filling.
17. What’s a sloppy vampire called? A blood spiller.
18. I saw a vampire at recess—he was hanging out with his bats.
19. What do vampires bring to show and tell? Bat collections.
20. That vampire brought a mirror to class—just to scare himself.
21. What do you call a vampire who plays soccer? A goal sucker.
22. Why did the vampire fail art? He only used red paint.
23. The vampire’s science project? A volcano that shoots out tomato sauce.
24. What do little vampires write in? Bite-sized notebooks.
25. Who’s the vampire’s favorite hero? Bat-man.
26. What bedtime story do vampires like? Goodnight Bite.
27. That vampire only eats red jelly beans.
28. Why did the vampire earn a star? He nailed “How to Stay Hidden.”
29. What songs do vampire kids sing? Old Fang Syne.
30. What shoes do vampires wear? Sneak-ers.
31. What do vampires carry to school? A blood pack.
32. I asked a vampire to play tag—he said, “Only if I’m the chaser.”
33. Why did the vampire miss school? Daylight kept him in.
34. That little vampire is scared of the dark. Imagine that.
35. What did the vampire score on his report? A B for Bite.
36. What’s vampire lunch like? Blood pudding and red apple pieces.
37. What do vampires use in art class? Red glitter.
38. What do vampires draw with? Crayons that look like dried blood.
39. That vampire has a pet—glow-in-the-dark hamster.
40. What job does a vampire want? Assistant to the tooth fairy.
41. I asked the time, and he said, “Half past moon.”
42. What’s a vampire’s gym move? Blood pumping exercises.
43. Why did the vampire wear his cape to gym? To lunge in style.
44. What do vampires write with? Ink made of shadows.
45. Why was that vampire so quiet? He didn’t want to speak up.
46. What’s a vampire’s bedtime habit? Brush fangs, then hiss.
47. What pet does a vampire kid ask for? A sparkly bat.
48. What game do vampires play at break time? Duck, duck… bat.
49. Why’d the vampire cross the playground? To snack on the other side.
50. That vampire told a joke—it bit hard, but we still laughed.

50 Vampire Puns Thanks

1. Thanks for the blood—I’m fang-ful.
2. A big thanks—you really slayed it.
3. Thank you for the invite—I had a bloody good time.
4. Thanks a ton—you’re totally un-bite-able.
5. Appreciate it—you really know how to make a vamp smile.
6. Thanks for the garlic-free dinner. You’re a true friend.
7. I’d thank you with flowers, but I brought fangs instead.
8. Cheers for the help—I won’t forget it for the next 500 years.
9. Much obliged—you made my cold dead heart warm.
10. Thank you—you’re the real pain in my neck, in a good way.
11. Thanks for not ghosting me—I suck at goodbyes.
12. I’d bite anyone who’s mean to you. That’s love.
13. Thanks for letting me crash at your crypt.
14. You’re a real gem—shine on, even in the moonlight.
15. Thanks—I’m totally batty about you.
16. Thank you for not inviting the werewolves.
17. A huge thank you—I’m bat over heels.
18. Appreciate your kindness—it really bit different.
19. Thanks—I’d cross oceans of blood for you.
20. You helped me out, and that doesn’t suck.
21. You’re the stake in my sandwich—always holding me together.
22. Thanks a bite—you’re deliciously kind.
23. Thanks—you’re better than a fresh pint.
24. I’m eternally grateful. Like literally.
25. Thank you—my heart may not beat, but it’s yours.
26. Just saying thanks before I disappear into mist.
27. You make me feel seen—even if mirrors won’t.
28. Appreciate you—like garlic-free pizza.
29. Big thanks—you helped me not lose my coffin keys again.
30. You’re the reason I didn’t stay grumpy this century.
31. Thank you—your kindness gives me chills… the good kind.
32. Thanks for the cape compliment—I was feeling bat.
33. Thank you—I’d rise from the grave for you.
34. Much thanks—you light up my crypt.
35. Just wanted to say thanks—before the sun comes up.
36. Thanks—you’re the real nightlight in my life.
37. Thank you—I’ll never stake you for granted.
38. Appreciate it—you bring the magic without the spells.
39. Thanks—you’re sharp, but in a nice way.
40. Can’t thank you enough—so I’ll just bite a little.
41. Your help was bloodtastic. Thanks a lot.
42. Thanks—you’ve got my back… and my neck.
43. Eternally grateful—one lifetime isn’t enough.
44. Thank you—I’d trust you with my favorite cape.
45. Appreciate you—fangs a million.
46. Thanks for the invite—it didn’t suck at all.
47. Grateful forever—because forever’s my thing.
48. You’re more thoughtful than a bat with a plan.
49. Thanks—you turned my gloomy night around.
50. A simple thanks—but with lots of bite.

40 Fang-tastic Vampire Puns

1. That vampire band? Total bite drop.
2. My vampire aunt? She’s the black cape sheep of the family.
3. I took a vampire yoga class—lots of dead poses.
4. The vampire bar? It’s called “Sips and Bites.”
5. My vampire neighbor mows his lawn at midnight.
6. The vampire bought a car—it runs on bat-tery.
7. My vampire date said I had “great circulation.”
8. His resume? Just a list of centuries he’s lived through.
9. That vampire opened a bakery. It’s all red velvet.
10. His favorite board game? Risk… of infection.
11. The vampire choir only sings in minor keys.
12. I asked a vampire for change. He gave me ancient coins.
13. That vampire’s vacation spot? Countifornia.
14. The vampire’s gym motto? No pain, just drain.
15. He started a vlog: “Bites of the Night.”
16. She joined a book club—just for the neck-romance novels.
17. He got rejected on a dating app—no soul matches.
18. My vampire uncle’s car? A hearse with rims.
19. The vampire lawyer? Always raising the stakes.
20. Their wedding had no cake—just a bowl of blood punch.
21. He got fired from the blood bank—for sipping samples.
22. That vampire’s diet? Mostly rare meats and drama.
23. Their baby’s first word? Fang.
24. She’s a vampire fashionista—all velvet everything.
25. He once ran for mayor of Transyl-vein-ia.
26. That vampire uses bat-wing eyeliner.
27. The vampire pilot? Night flights only.
28. Their fridge? Just red drinks and bat snacks.
29. The vampire babysitter? Only works past bedtime.
30. I got invited to a vampire BBQ. It was rare… literally.
31. That vampire magician pulled a rabbit… out of a crypt.
32. The vampire Uber app? It’s called “DracRide.”
33. His favorite radio station? FM… for fang music.
34. She started a perfume line—just mist and mystery.
35. The vampire gamer only plays horror.
36. His online username? @BiteClubCEO
37. Their karaoke song? “Bleeding Love.”
38. The vampire barbershop offers neck trims.
39. Their New Year’s resolution? More bite, less bark.
40. He opened a comedy club—filled with witty entertainment jokes.

40 Vampire Puns Captions

1. Just wingin’ it—fangs first.
2. Blood type: confident.
3. I suck… at being normal.
4. Cape on, world off.
5. Sippin’ something spooky.
6. Born to bite, forced to smile.
7. Dead serious about my outfit.
8. Can’t stop, won’t coffin.
9. On my way to bite brunch.
10. Real vamps don’t sparkle—they slay.
11. Just out here countin’ on myself.
12. Garlic? I hardly know her.
13. Cute but cursed.
14. Caught a little moonlight glow-up.
15. Blood moon = vibe check.
16. Keeping it fang-shioned.
17. Bite me—politely.
18. Gloomy but make it glam.
19. Straight outta the crypt.
20. Fangs for the memories.
21. Midnight snacks hit different.
22. Not thirsty—just… curious.
23. This is my resting witch face’s cousin.
24. The bite is right.
25. Can’t even mirror this look.
26. Vampin’ ain’t easy.
27. No pulse, no problems.
28. Nighttime is my prime time.
29. If you know, you coffin know.
30. Just trying to blend into the shadows.
31. Out here haunting your feed.
32. Eternal vibes only.
33. New day, new blood.
34. Can’t ghost what’s already undead.
35. Shady by nature.
36. Bitten, not shy.
37. Graveyard glam in full effect.
38. Keep calm and fang on.
39. Smile—it’s barely night.
40. All dressed up with no place to haunt.

30 Vampire Puns One Liners

1. I only date night owls—it’s a vampire thing.
2. Vampires hate fast food… it runs.
3. My GPS doesn’t work in crypts.
4. I floss with shadows.
5. My dentist quit after one look.
6. I blink in bat.
7. No mirrors, no selfies—tragic.
8. Blood? I prefer vintage.
9. I ghost people… permanently.
10. My resting bat face is strong.
11. I never RSVP to daylight.
12. I bathe in dusk, thanks.
13. My heart’s not in it—it literally isn’t.
14. Vampires don’t jog. We float.
15. I skip meals. Unless they’re named Greg.
16. I dress like I haunt thrift stores.
17. I bite first, ask names later.
18. I got 99 problems but sunlight is all of them.
19. I cry blood tears—super inconvenient.
20. I don’t get colds—I get chills.
21. I have no reflection, but lots of style.
22. I prefer my drinks rare and moody.
23. I went to therapy once—they couldn’t see me.
24. I’m not dramatic, just undead.
25. I’m the reason garlic sales dropped.
26. Night is when I peak… and sneak.
27. I don’t sparkle—I smolder.
28. Vampires don’t age—we level up.
29. My last tan was in 1492.
30. I once dated a werewolf… big mistake.

20 Clever Vampire Puns

1. He was a pain in the neck—literally.
2. I had a bloody good weekend.
3. She’s totally my type—AB negative.
4. I don’t ghost—I vanish with elegance.
5. My credit score died centuries ago.
6. I can’t count how many times I’ve counted.
7. My therapist says I suck at expressing emotions.
8. You should see my cryptocurrency.
9. I got caught stealing ketchup again.
10. I’m socially nocturnal.
11. I won’t bite… unless you’re rude.
12. My grave sense of humor? Top tier.
13. We don’t do brunch—just dusk fast.
14. I drink responsibly. Through a straw.
15. She has bite and wit—dangerous combo.
16. I moonlight as a sleep-deprived legend.
17. Biting commentary is my love language.
18. I joined a vampire improv group—we’re undeadpan.
19. I don’t ghost… I mist away.
20. My date was cold-blooded—in a good way.

20 Vampire Puns Names

1. Count Snackula
2. Vlad the Impaler Jr.
3. Miss Fangtastic
4. Batricia Darkness
5. Sir Bites-A-Lot
6. Suckie Minaj
7. Bloody Mary Lou
8. Vampy McNightface
9. Nosfurratu (for a pet cat)
10. Captain Neckbite
11. Buffy NoMore
12. Drew Blood
13. Bitey McBiteBite
14. Luci-fur (again, great cat name)
15. Gloomilda Shade
16. Drakeula
17. Bat Damon
18. Fangs Sinatra
19. Countess Nocturna
20. Baroness Biteme

Final Thoughts

Okay, so yeah—this was full of bites, fangs, blood stuff, and all kinds of silly vampire nonsense. But honestly? I had a blast making these up. Funny how tossing words around turns into such a blast. If you’ve stuck around this long, I bet you laughed, groaned, or shook your head—and that’s good enough for me.

Now your turn—got a line that slays every time? Some hidden gem you keep in your notes app? Hit me with your best. I want to see what wild kids puns you’re hiding in your spooky little brain. Let’s trade jokes like midnight snacks. I’ll be waiting… in the comments, not in your closet.

Emma Rose

Hi, I’m Emma Rose, the pun-loving writer behind Punstation.com! I’ve always believed that a good pun can turn an ordinary moment into something unforgettable. Whether I’m playing with animal jokes, food wordplay, or mythical creature puns, I love adding a splash of humor to the everyday. Writing puns is my favorite way to spread smiles, and I’m always on the hunt for the next clever twist. When I’m not punning around, you’ll find me sipping tea, scribbling in my idea journal, or laughing at my own jokes (guilty!).