160+ Bagel Puns: Hole-y Jokes That Are Everything, With Schmear Delight!

Last Updated: 31/Jan/2026

Bagels aren’t just breakfast—they’re a lifestyle. From cozy mornings with cream cheese to late-night everything bagel cravings, these chewy, hole-y wonders have carved out a special place in our hearts and toasters. And where there’s love, there’s pun potential. Bagel puns are irresistible because they’re perfectly baked wordplay—simple, clever, and guaranteed to rise to the occasion. Whether you’re looking for jokes for kids, cheeky social captions, flirty food humor, or just something to make your brunch crew groan-laugh, you’re in the right bakery aisle. This list serves up classic bagel jokes, cream-cheesy humor, and hole-lotta laughs for every mood. Toasty? Check. Schmear-ious? Absolutely.
Let’s dive in and get on a roll!

1. Classic Bagel Puns

1. I’m on a roll… a bagel roll.
2. You’re the hole package.
3. Bagel me up before you go-go.
4. Life’s better when you rise like a bagel.
5. This joke is a little hole-y, but stick with me.
6. I like big bagels and I cannot lie.
7. Don’t go bacon my bagel.
8. That’s how I roll—toasted.
9. I’m feeling kind of empty… must be the hole.
10. You’re looking everything-ly amazing today.
11. Bagel it till you make it.
12. I’m totally bagel-struck.
13. This humor is well-kneaded.
14. That idea really dough-nutted my mind.
15. I’m just here for the hole experience.
16. Stay toasty, my friends.
17. Bagels before emails.
18. I’m in a very kneady relationship—with bagels.
19. You had me at everything.
20. Let’s get this bread… in bagel form.
21. I’m baked, not lazy.
22. Hole-y moly, that’s good.
23. This joke has layers—like a well-toasted bagel.

2. Cream Cheese and Schmear Wordplay

1. You make my heart schmear-t.
2. Let’s stick together like cream cheese.
3. I’m totally spread too thin—pass the schmear.
4. That’s my butter half… with cream cheese.
5. You’re looking extra smooth today.
6. I’m feeling pretty gouda about this bagel.
7. Cream cheese is my love language.
8. Don’t be salty—be schmear-ious.
9. This relationship is well-spread.
10. I only have eyes for chews.
11. You had me at extra schmear.
12. That joke was rich—like full-fat cream cheese.
13. I like my humor how I like my bagels: fully loaded.
14. Spread kindness—and cream cheese.
15. Our love is un-brie-lievable.
16. I’m not clingy, I’m just spreadable.
17. Let’s smooth things over—with schmear.
18. You’re my main spread.
19. I’m whipped, cream cheese style.
20. Keep calm and schmear on.
21. This pun is dairy good.
22. You make everything butter.
23. I’m emotionally attached to this bagel.

3. Toasting and Baking Bagel Puns

1. Things are getting pretty heated in here.
2. I like my bagels like my jokes—well toasted.
3. Don’t burn bridges—burn bagels instead.
4. That joke popped up fast.
5. I’m in my golden-brown era.
6. This humor is half-baked—just like me.
7. You really rose to the occasion.
8. I’m feeling a little crisp around the edges.
9. Toast me, maybe?
10. Let’s turn the heat up on this brunch.
11. This idea needs more time to rise.
12. Stop loafing around—bagels are ready.
13. I’m toasted and thriving.
14. That plan is oven-ready.
15. Let’s not over-toast this relationship.
16. Things got crunchy real fast.
17. Proof that patience pays off.
18. I’m baked with love.
19. You’re my type—Type A for everything.
20. This pun is fresh out of the oven.
21. I’m on a warm streak.
22. That joke was well-done.
23. Don’t rush perfection—let it rise.

4. Bagels for Different Occasions

1. Breakfast of cham-peons.
2. Brunch so hard, bagels wanna find me.
3. Monday runs on bagels.
4. Bagels before meetings.
5. Wedding carbs are forever.
6. This party is everything.
7. Birthday wishes and sesame kisses.
8. Sunday mornings are hole-y.
9. Graduation? You’ve earned this schmear.
10. Holidays are better toasted.
11. Late-night snack attack—bagel edition.
12. First date? Bring bagels.
13. Office morale, now with carbs.
14. Rainy days need extra toast.
15. Baby shower? Bagel shower.
16. New year, same bagel.
17. Bagels are the real MVP of brunch.
18. Celebrating the hole crew.
19. This meeting could’ve been a bagel.
20. Bagels make mornings official.
21. Rise and shine—it’s bagel time.
22. Every day deserves a schmear.
23. Special occasions call for everything.

5. Romantic and Cheesy Bagel Puns

1. You’re my everything bagel.
2. I love you a hole lot.
3. We’re better together—like bagel and schmear.
4. You complete my hole.
5. I’m totally dough-voted to you.
6. Our love is well-kneaded.
7. You’re the schmear to my bagel.
8. I’m stuck on you—cream cheese style.
9. Love at first bite.
10. You’re my butter half.
11. Let’s grow mold together.
12. You make my heart rise.
13. I loaf you so much.
14. This relationship is perfectly toasted.
15. Hole-mates forever.
16. You’ve got that fresh-baked energy.
17. I’m bagel-y in love.
18. We’re everything together.
19. You’re the only schmear for me.
20. Our love is never stale.
21. You’re my daily bread.
22. Let’s stick like cream cheese.
23. You had me at bagel.

6. Social Media Caption Bagel Puns

1. Hole mood.
2. Everything energy.
3. Stay toasty.
4. Schmear goals.
5. Bagel vibes only.
6. Rise and shine.
7. Fully loaded.
8. On a roll.
9. Toasted and thriving.
10. Bagel break.
11. Hole squad.
12. Carbs with confidence.
13. Spread the love.
14. Brunch boss.
15. Doughing great.
16. This is how I roll.
17. Extra schmear, no fear.
18. Golden-brown glow.
19. Hole-y brunch.
20. Fresh energy only.
21. Kneaded this.
22. Carb queen or king.
23. Living my best loaf.

7. Friendship Bagel Puns

1. You’re my hole crew.
2. Friends who brunch together stick together.
3. You’re everything to me.
4. Thanks for always having my back—and my bagel.
5. We’re on the same roll.
6. You butter believe we’re friends.
7. Besties with benefits—bagel benefits.
8. We rise together.
9. You’re my brunch buddy.
10. Hole lotta love for you.
11. You keep me from feeling empty.
12. You schmear me right.
13. Thanks for being my daily bread.
14. Our friendship is well-baked.
15. You’re my ride or rye.
16. Let’s loaf around together.
17. Friends don’t let friends skip bagels.
18. You make everything better.
19. You’re my comfort carb.
20. Always toasted with you.
21. Dough or die.
22. You rise me up.
23. Hole-some friendships only.

8. Bagel One-Liners and Q and A Jokes

1. Why did the bagel go to therapy? It felt empty inside.
2. What’s a bagel’s favorite music? Lo-fi rye-beats.
3. Why don’t bagels argue? They like to keep things smooth.
4. What did the bagel say to the toaster? You warm my heart.
5. I tried quitting bagels—it was a hollow promise.
6. Bagels don’t ghost—they always come full circle.
7. What do you call a fake bagel? A sham-schmear.
8. Bagels are great listeners—they have holes for ears.
9. Why was the bagel confident? It was fully loaded.
10. My jokes are like bagels—better toasted.
11. What’s a bagel’s life motto? Rise above.
12. Bagels never panic—they’re well-rounded.
13. Why did the bagel blush? Too much schmear-ing.
14. I trust bagels—they’re transparent in the middle.
15. Bagels don’t hold grudges—they let things roll.
16. Why was the bagel calm? Inner hole peace.
17. I asked for advice—the bagel said, just roll with it.
18. Bagels always come back around.
19. That joke had a hole lot going on.
20. Bagels are proof that circles can be perfect.
21. Why did the bagel get promoted? It rose fast.
22. Bagels don’t judge—they’re open-minded.
23. Life lesson from a bagel: stay balanced.

Conclusion

From classic bagel puns to cream-cheesy wordplay, romantic jokes, brunch-ready captions, and laugh-out-loud one-liners, this article takes a full-circle journey through the world of bagel humor. Whether you’re posting online, writing a card, flirting over brunch, or just kneading a good laugh, there’s a pun here ready to be shared. Bagel puns prove that humor doesn’t have to be complicated to be satisfying; sometimes it just needs a good rise and a warm toast. Share your favorites, spread the laughs, and keep the humor fresh. Which pun made you laugh the most? Share below, and feel free to roll out a bagel pun of your own.

Emma Ross

Hi, I’m Emma Rose, the pun-loving writer behind Punstation.com! I’ve always believed that a good pun can turn an ordinary moment into something unforgettable. Whether I’m playing with animal jokes, food wordplay, or mythical creature puns, I love adding a splash of humor to the everyday. Writing puns is my favorite way to spread smiles, and I’m always on the hunt for the next clever twist. When I’m not punning around, you’ll find me sipping tea, scribbling in my idea journal, or laughing at my own jokes (guilty!).