235+ Pirate Puns and Jokes That’ll Make You Talk Like a Pirate

Okay, I didn’t plan this, but I got way too into writing pirate jokes. What started as a few puns turned into a whole treasure chest of them. I was just messing around, and next thing I knew, I had written pun after pun, and still couldn’t stop. If you like silly stuff, groan-worthy lines, and a whole lotta entertainment pun humor, you’re in the right place. Just having a bit of fun, nothing major. Some puns are kinda goofy, but that’s what makes them worth it, right?

My Favorite Collection of Pirate Puns and Jokes

I had no idea I’d laugh this hard while making up this stuff. I really tried to make each one different and funny in its own silly way. These pirate puns and jokes are all mine — and I hope at least a few make you chuckle too.

35 Pirate Puns and Jokes

1. Why don’t pirates ever play cards? They hate getting decked.
2. The pirate became a chef — now he’s known for his “seas-oning.”
3. I opened a pirate school. It only teaches “arrrticulation.”
4. What’s a pirate’s least favorite shape? A square — no edges to sword fight!
5. She dumped the pirate. Said he was too salty.
6. What do pirates use to text? An aye-phone.
7. I met a pirate dentist. He said, “Open wide, ye landlubber!”
8. The pirate refused to use Google — he prefers “sea-search.”
9. My pirate friend became an artist — he paints with seaweed now.
10. The pirate’s favorite movie? Anything with shipwreck-tions.
11. Why was the pirate lonely? No one could sea eye to eye.
12. Pirates don’t do yoga. Too many knots.
13. What’s a pirate’s favorite fabric? Arrr-ganza.
14. I met a polite pirate. Always said “please and plunder.”
15. Why did the pirate fail his test? Too many “arrrs” in his answers.
16. I dated a pirate once. He had em-ocean-al issues.
17. The pirate’s dog is named Barkbeard.
18. Why do pirates love winter? More chances to wear layers of booty.
19. The pirate got kicked out of karaoke. Too deep into the pirate playlists.
20. To avoid walking the plank at home. To get to the other tide.
21. My pirate GPS only gives one direction: “Starrrrrboard!”
22. The pirate got in trouble — too much plank talk at work.
23. What did the pirate say at therapy? “I’m feeling a little lost at sea.”
24. I caught a pirate watching chick flicks. He said, “Even I need soft sails.”
25. Pirates can’t be barbers. They always cut too close to the plank.
26. Pirate’s go-to snack? Those cheesy goldfish!
27. This pirate said he’s retired. But I saw him at sea yesterday.
28. The pirate became a poet. His work? Deep and full of “arrrt.”
29. That pirate just ran a marathon. One peg leg, no excuses.
30. Pirates hate elevators — too many ups and downs.
31. My neighbor’s a pirate. His lawn? Full of buried garden gnomes.
32. The pirate got ghosted — by an actual ghost ship.
33. My pirate cousin sells hats. Business is booming — he’s got a lid on the market.
34. Why did the pirate blush? Someone spotted his treasure map tattoo.
35. The pirate’s favorite exercise? Plank. Of course.

35 Pirate Puns One Liners

1. I sail better when snacks are involved.
2. My sword’s dull, but my wit’s sharp.
3. Storms don’t scare me — Mondays do.
4. I follow the map… unless there’s food nearby.
5. One eye, no fear, full attitude.
6. I don’t do rules. I do waves.
7. My crew only joins for the cookies.
8. You call it junk. I call it treasure.
9. Too broke for gold, but rich in sass.
10. I swab decks with style.
11. The sea’s my boss now.
12. I’m only serious when rum’s involved.
13. Sunburns and sarcasm — my daily combo.
14. My ship runs on bad ideas.
15. I don’t yell. I command.
16. I’d walk the plank for a nap.
17. Maps lie. My gut doesn’t.
18. Plunder first, plan later.
19. I flirt like I steer — slightly off course.
20. Loud, lost, and loving it.
21. I once found treasure — it was just snacks.
22. My parrot’s smarter than me.
23. Who needs GPS when you’ve got drama?
24. I skip meetings to chase waves.
25. I sail with style and zero direction.
26. Yo ho, no schedule.
27. My crew’s mostly cats and chaos.
28. I dress like I mean trouble.
29. If found, return to the nearest tavern.
30. I talk pirate even at the grocery store.
31. There’s gold in avoiding people.
32. No land, no problem.
33. I’m late because of a sea monster.
34. I got kicked out for telling dad puns.
35. I set sail when I’m bored.

35 Pirate Puns for Kids

1. What’d the pirate ask at bedtime? “You asleep yet or nah?”
2. Why’d the pirate sit in school? He was learning A, B, and C-sea.
3. What’s a pirate’s lunch favorite? Arm sandwiches, no bones about it!
4. Why’d he bring a pencil? He had treasure maps to doodle.
5. Pirate’s favorite letter? Always the C — hands down.
6. Why skip hide and seek? The spyglass gives it away!
7. What’d he say at the zoo? “Looks like me cousin, that parrot!”
8. Why’d he get glasses? Couldn’t spot a ship in front of him.
9. Pirates’ favorite board game? Battleship, no doubt.
10. What do pirates yell when chilly? “Brrr, me bones!”
11. Pirate’s go-to candy? Gummy sharks all the way.
12. Why time-out? He kept swiping the crew’s snacks.
13. Pirate’s favorite bug? A sea-squito, of course!
14. Why skip scary films? Too much screaming from the crew.
15. What bugs him most? Running outta goldfish snacks.
16. What’s in his lunchbox? PB&J — with jellyfish!
17. Why’d he hum so much? Had a song hooked in his brain.
18. Pirate’s favorite sea creature? Gotta be a swordfish.
19. Why’s he so cheerful? Found a box full of candy!
20. What pants do pirates wear? Cargo-arrrs — big pockets!
21. Why’d he lose his way? Missed the X on the map!
22. What’d he shout when he tripped? “Ahh! Me knees!”
23. Why’d he giggle in class? That silly map tickled him.
24. What do they pack for picnics? Sandwiches and sea breeze.
25. Why no shoes? Sand’s already between the toes.
26. What’d he say at lunch? “Hand me that sea-salt!”
27. Why the fork at the beach? He was eating sand-wiches.
28. Pirate music taste? Anything splashy or wavy!
29. Why’s math fun? Blame kids puns and treasure finds!
30. Pirate’s favorite fruit? Plunderines — juicy and sweet.
31. What dance do pirates love? Sea-style jigs, of course.
32. Why swings? Reminds him of sailing on waves.
33. What’d he shout on Halloween? “Trick or treasure!”
34. Why wear the hat? Bad hair wave — not his fault.
35. What do pirate kids say at school? “I turned in me homework!”

35 Pirate Puns Instagram Captions

1. Sailin’ through life with one good eye and bad ideas.
2. Current mood: Lost at sea, loving it.
3. Found gold… in the cookie jar.
4. Officially off-duty and off-shore.
5. Looking rough, feeling legendary.
6. Just me, the waves, and my wild thoughts.
7. Warning: May board your snack stash.
8. Out here chasing tides, not trends.
9. Dressed to plunder.
10. No captain, just vibes.
11. My map says “nap first.”
12. Wind in my hair, chaos in my soul.
13. Sun, sea, and bad decisions.
14. Wanted: For stealing hearts and rum-free soda.
15. This ship sails on caffeine and jokes.
16. Seas the moment.
17. Talk salty to me.
18. Smell like trouble, look like treasure.
19. I’m not lost — I’m just exploring weirdly.
20. Hooked on this view.
21. Float like a jellyfish, sting like sass.
22. I only follow stars… and snacks.
23. Took the scenic route — by accident.
24. Plank-walking level: expert.
25. Sunburned and overconfident.
26. Parrot said no — I posted anyway.
27. Me, pretending I know how to sail.
28. New profile title: Captain of chaos.
29. Posing like I’m worth a reward poster.
30. Just found treasure… it’s fries.
31. Pirate mood: Loud and underdressed.
32. If found, return to nearest boat.
33. Life’s better with a breeze and no plans.
34. Still waiting for my ship to come in.
35. I speak fluent sarcasm and sea slang.

25 Pirate Puns for Birthday

1. Hope your birthday treasure is full of cake!
2. Have a swashbucklin’ birthday, matey!
3. Yo ho ho and a slice of cake!
4. Another year older, but still no buried wrinkles!
5. Party like a pirate—loud, proud, and cake-faced!
6. Age is just a number… unless it’s gold coins!
7. May your candles burn as bright as cannon fire!
8. Your birthday’s so big, even sharks are invited!
9. Blow out the candles before the wind does!
10. Cake? Aye, that’s the real buried treasure!
11. Let the birthday booty hunt begin!
12. Don’t count the years—count the treasures!
13. Avast! There be presents ahead!
14. Hope your day’s more fun than finding treasure!
15. Raise your cup o’ juice and say, “Arrrr!”
16. Another year of sailing strong!
17. This birthday, plunder all the party snacks!
18. Cake makes every pirate smile—aye, even the grumpy ones!
19. Forget gold, today we want frosting!
20. Wishing you seas of joy and sprinkles!
21. You’ve earned another candle on your pirate ship!
22. May your loot be sweet and your laughs loud!
23. It’s your day to rule the high seas of fun!
24. A pirate’s life is sweet—especially on birthdays!
25. Here’s to another year of sailing smart and silly!

25 Halloween Pirate Puns

1. Trick or treasure!
2. I’m just here for the ghost gold!
3. Beware! This pirate haunts candy bags!
4. Yo-ho-ho and a bucket of treats!
5. Even pirates get spooky once a year!
6. I ain’t afraid of no ghost—unless it steals me loot!
7. This hook doubles as a candy scooper!
8. Avast! There be monsters ahead!
9. I’m a scarily good pirate tonight!
10. My costume? Pirate meets pumpkin!
11. Walk the plank… into the candy bowl!
12. Who needs gold when you have chocolate?
13. Candy is my only treasure tonight!
14. I cast spooky spells… and steal snacks!
15. My parrot says “Boo!” instead of “Polly!”
16. Raise your swords—it’s fright night!
17. Let’s sail into the haunted sea!
18. Pirate by day, pumpkin plunderer by night!
19. Trick me once—I’ll steal your candy chest!
20. The skeleton crew is ready to dance!
21. Gimme treats or I’ll swab your deck!
22. This ship runs on caramel and fear!
23. Me ship’s haunted, but the candy’s worth it!
24. One-eyed goblin or one-eyed pirate? Hard to tell!
25. Tonight, even the sharks wear costumes!

25 Best Pirate Puns

1. I’m hooked on treasure!
2. Keep calm and say “Arrr!”
3. Pirates don’t do drama—they do damage!
4. Shiver me giggles!
5. I’m not lazy, I’m just anchored.
6. That joke was o-fish-ally funny!
7. You sea what I did there?
8. Treasure every moment—just like gold!
9. Parrot says I talk too much… squawk!
10. I got 99 problems, but a ship ain’t one!
11. Don’t test me—I’ve got cannon attitude!
12. Always keep yer friends close and yer map closer.
13. I lost me keys… again. Must be a pirate curse!
14. I be all about that sea life.
15. That pirate’s so bright, he outshines the lighthouse!
16. Sword fights and snack breaks—pirate priorities!
17. Yo ho ho and here we go!
18. I sail by the stars… mostly snack stars.
19. The sea’s salty—just like me!
20. It’s not stealing, it’s surprise sharing!
21. That plank walk was just my morning stroll.
22. My treasure map leads straight to the fridge!
23. Storms come and go—pirates sail on!
24. If it’s shiny, I want it!
25. Got me gold, got me crew, now where’s the pizza?

20 Pirate Pun Names

1. Peggy Plankton
2. Salty Sam
3. Captain Crabby
4. Hook-Hand Hank
5. Treasure Tina
6. Gold-Tooth Gary
7. Bonnie Barnacle
8. Pirate Pete
9. Sharkbait Sheila
10. Rowboat Rick
11. Cannonball Carl
12. Lootin’ Lucy
13. No-Ear Ned
14. Biscuit Beard
15. Jellyfish Jane
16. Seagull Steve
17. Rusty Rodger
18. Sandy Sue
19. Marlin Mike
20. Plunderin’ Polly

Final Thoughts

Pirate puns feel like a secret prize — once you hear one, it brings big smiles. Whether it’s a birthday, Halloween party, or just some fun with friends, these puns make any time better. Every joke here is fresh, easy to get, and fun for all — even kids will laugh!

From funny names to creepy jokes, pirates always find a way to cheer people up. Let’s be real — shouting arrr is always a good time. Keep these puns close for a quick chuckle or to lift someone’s spirits.

At the end of the day, a few laughs — and lots of pirate fun — make life better.

Emma Rose

Hi, I’m Emma Rose, the pun-loving writer behind Punstation.com! I’ve always believed that a good pun can turn an ordinary moment into something unforgettable. Whether I’m playing with animal jokes, food wordplay, or mythical creature puns, I love adding a splash of humor to the everyday. Writing puns is my favorite way to spread smiles, and I’m always on the hunt for the next clever twist. When I’m not punning around, you’ll find me sipping tea, scribbling in my idea journal, or laughing at my own jokes (guilty!).